They will break the rules again tonight, But she has a big smile

Words By Massimo Usai

The rules were simple between them.

She had set a contract and a boundary with her friends.

The watchword was not to shame her publicly.

Her friends, like her mother, would no longer be allowed to be publicly shamed on her.

Because of her hair, wardrobe, way she grew up, previous romantic relationships, or life choices, she has always been central in the discussions with her family and friends.

She had decided that she had had enough of judgments from those who should instead be comforting and not the first obstacle to her life.

Now she had decided that she would stop talking to them for months or maybe forever.


Whether it was her mother or her friends, it doesn’t matter anymore.

Her life, her morale, and her hopes had now reached the edge of endurance.

Mom, like her friends, inevitably embarrassed her for one reason or another every time they spoke, privately or in a public place.

It wasn’t the first time she had cut off contacts, felt guilty for a month or two, then called back her mother or friends.

But she knew that even when her mother, or her friends, promised to do better, they would fall back into their schemes.

This time she was determined: she would break off contact again, she would feel guilty again, of course, but at least she would feel free.

Finally, out of that violence, that was no different from other violence that she had suffered in her life.

She was now over 35 years old, she was no longer a child, but she felt, in fact, a teenager, not because she had not grown internally, but because she had not been able to detach or take a position from those around her.


Romantic relationships had been a failure because she felt conditioned and ran away or made every other person with her run away.

She had some relationships that she had considered essential, not only with men, because sometimes she had also fallen in love with women.

The final result has always been the same.

There had been a girl for whom she had lost her mind, but the relationship collapsed. She did not dare to make it public because she knew the wave of moralism and sentences would come from her family and friends.

The mother could not change it, but the friends could choose them better, but even in this case, they resulted from the screening that her mother had done when she was still a teenager.

This time it would have been different if his father were still there; everything would be more accessible, but he left years ago, he dared to run away from mom.

He was always seen as disruptive inside the family. In reality, he was running away from a situation he had never been comfortable with.

And even now, now that he has his own life very far from where she was, he would have understood her mood on the fly.

She misses him, but because he remains the topic of unloading his mother’s frustrations, they see each other just once every few years and very rarely by phone.

Tonight would be the evening when the rules between them had to be respected, they had talked about it by phone, everyone knew the rules, and while pulling up the black-veiled socks, which would show off her legs that still in great shape, covered by a skirt not too long and at the foot of the black boots that many girls would pay gold to wear and dress that clothing with that naturalness and lightness, she thought she was sure that the rules would be not respected tonight as well.

gracious young woman with closed eyes near window

But this time, she would follow the promise with herself: she would stop talking, forever.

This is the motivation why she is going calmly and relaxed with a big smile to see them.

Because she already knows how it will finish.

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